Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
