She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
