I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is wine microwaveable?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My bed smells like the plague
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