put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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