dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize