She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
third nipple confirmed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
