when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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