What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
