Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
