The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
