the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
