apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
