The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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