is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The uberlube is also flammable
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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