I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
