I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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