i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bring me that man meat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize