if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
