I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
