4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
