I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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