I am puke
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
