I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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