Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
