youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
