I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
