U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
