she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
