She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize