Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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