i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize