then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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