I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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