i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize