guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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