what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
