Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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