this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
