we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
