i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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