I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
