I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
