lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
