38 yer olds are good kisserssss
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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