so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
