It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's never too late to be topless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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