watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
