your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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