I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
