I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
