The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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