Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
