like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
