my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
