Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
