wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I AM VODKA MAN
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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