my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
