so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
