sarcasm needs its own font
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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