dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
