The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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