At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
