Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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