and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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