Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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