I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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