What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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