It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
