we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
