she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
