There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
