My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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