I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize