Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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