Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
